In a world where we’re constantly connected through technology, it’s ironic that so many people feel disconnected, lonely, and isolated. Unni Turrettini, an author and keynote speaker, dives into this paradox in her thought-provoking talk, addressing the root causes of loneliness, the impact of survival mode, and the life-changing power of authentic connection.

The Loneliness Epidemic: More Than Just a Feeling

Turrettini’s journey began with her book, The Mystery of the Lone Wolf Killers, in which she explored the mind of Anders Breivik, a mass shooter who took 77 lives in Norway in 2011. Through her research, she discovered that Breivik—and others like him—wasn’t as different from the rest of us as we might want to believe.

What do they share? An overwhelming sense of emptiness and loneliness.

Loneliness isn’t just a personal issue—it’s a global pandemic. In fact, one in four people worldwide struggles with loneliness, and this disconnection spills over into the workplace, where half of the global workforce is unhappy, and 80% of employees feel disengaged.

The solution? Connection. According to Turrettini, human beings are wired for connection, and it’s a key element in living a fulfilled life.

The Three Levels of Connection We All Need

In her speech, Turrettini references research from Professor Bruce Austin of UCLA, who identifies three essential levels of human connection:

1.Intimate Connection: This is the deep bond you share with one or a few people, where you can be vulnerable and feel safe.

2.Social Connection: A broader network of family, friends, and colleagues that gives us a sense of belonging.

3.Societal Connection: Feeling like you belong within your community or society as a whole.

For many people, including those who appear to have it all—successful careers, families, and large social circles—there’s still a void. Turrettini herself experienced this when she realized she felt empty despite being surrounded by loved ones and a successful career.

The Trap of Survival Mode

A big part of this disconnect, according to Turrettini, comes from living in “survival mode.” When we’re stressed or feel threatened, our bodies trigger a fight-or-flight response, releasing stress hormones that prepare us to react. While this response is helpful in short bursts, modern life often keeps us in this heightened state for far too long.

Living in survival mode doesn’t just increase stress levels—it narrows our ability to trust, communicate, and connect. We become suspicious of others, lose focus, and stop engaging meaningfully in both our personal and professional lives. This isolation can affect everything from our relationships to our productivity at work.

Breaking Free with Authenticity and Connection

So, how do we break out of this survival mode and reconnect with ourselves and others?

For Turrettini, the answer lies in small, mindful practices—like taking deep breaths to center yourself. In one transformative moment, she describes finding peace while watching coffee pour into her cup, realizing how disconnected she had been from her own feelings and needs.

By learning to pause, reflect, and reconnect with herself, Turrettini was able to break free from the loneliness that had plagued her for years.

Her message is simple: before we can truly connect with others, we must connect with ourselves. Only then can we experience the power of relational energy—a concept she learned from research by Owens, Baker, Sumter, and Cameron. Relational energy is the positive energy we exchange in our interactions, which can spark a chain of reactions that boost mood, focus, and productivity. Even a small moment of acknowledgment, like saying “hi” to a colleague, can uplift someone and create a ripple effect.

Authenticity: The Key to Better Communication and Engagement

Authenticity, Turrettini says, is the most effective tool for communication and engagement. It’s not about the words we say—it’s about the energy we put into our interactions. Authenticity, like love, is a powerful vibration, and when we connect with our true selves, we naturally communicate with authenticity.

But in survival mode, we lose touch with that authenticity. Instead, we wear masks, force outcomes, and fall into patterns of manipulation. This creates a wall between us and the people we interact with, making real communication impossible.

To be authentic, we must deactivate the fight-or-flight response and tune into who we truly are. This kind of authenticity is rare, and it’s something people crave—both personally and professionally.

The Takeaway: A World of Connection Starts With You

Unni Turrettini leaves us with a powerful thought: Imagine a world where we all made it a practice to deactivate survival mode and create more relational energy. In such a world, loneliness might become as rare as the common cold, rather than a widespread pandemic.

And who knows? If we had lived in that kind of world in 2011, perhaps the tragic actions of Anders Breivik could have been prevented. While we’ll never know the answer to that question, what we do know is that we have a choice—each of us can live in either survival or creation mode.

In creation mode, we find fulfillment, love, and creativity. We see opportunities and solutions, and we communicate and connect more effectively. In creation mode, authenticity thrives, and with it, deeper, more meaningful connections are born.

The choice is ours: Stay in survival mode, or connect with ourselves, and ultimately, with the world around us.