Learning to live harmoniously within our planetary boundaries requires a fundamental shift in how we think. Our minds, shaped by the industrial age and individualism, are conditioned to compartmentalise and isolate. Yet the nature of living systems is interdependent, interconnected, and constantly evolving.
Learning to think in a way that honours this truth, requires dismantling years of conditioning that have taught us to maximise certain variables and exile others. A sustainable system doesn’t exile any part of itself, but remains in relationship to different parts. Living sustainably, then, is learning to think and act relationally. The work begins within. Cultivating harmony in our internal system allows us to create meaningful change in the larger ecosystem. This is what I call Relational Intelligence. Learning to understand interdependence on all levels, within self, other and the world.
Take a moment to consider how we often compartmentalise our emotions: we push aside grief and hurt, ignore our need for care and rest, and instead pride ourselves on being productive and “happy.” This internal fragmentation—suppressing some parts of ourselves while celebrating others—leads to disconnection. And that disconnection doesn’t stay within. When we cut off access to our own painful emotions, we also lose our ability to fully connect with and sense others.
The personal and the systemic are two sides of the same coin. We tend to think the system is something external, something “out there.” When we feel powerless, we say, “It’s the system!” But what or where is this system? If you try to identify the “system” in any context, the closest thing you’ll find is a group of people unable to listen to each other. No one wakes up saying, “Today, I’m going to destroy ecological balance!” I’ve yet to meet anyone whose goal is to accelerate biodiversity loss. And yet, collectively, these are the outcomes we consistently produce. The “system” is not an external force; it’s a web of relationships, habits, and beliefs we all participate in—patterns of interdependence shaped by our assumptions, thoughts, and actions. Its you and me.
By cultivating harmony within—by learning to befriend rather than battle the different parts of ourselves—we begin to shift the larger systems we live in.